myIAKI // by BRIGITTE F //

The Search for Happiness

For my entire 32 years of life on this earth I have searched for what I “assumed” was happiness. Don’t you know what they say about assuming? It makes an ass out of you AND me, and I did just that. I searched high and low for this so called magical unicorn called happiness. Wasn’t everyone searching for the same thing? It was like an egg hunt and I was that anxious kid running through the grass looking for money or chocolates or anything that could satisfy me in that very moment. I needed Instant gratification. 


As I grew older I thought I discovered it while using drugs, or going to parties, or dating different exciting men, or taking medication for my severe depression. You name it, I’ve tried it! I also knew for a FACT it had to be out there because I could see with my own eyes that everyone had perfect lives online! They had beautiful well behaved kids, lavish cars and toys, houses with white picket fences, amazing bodies, successful careers AND the prince charming! I didn’t get it... Where else can I find it? I had very high expectations that it would fall into my lap any day now, so I waited. Sitting on my ass just twiddling my thumbs hoping that one day the sky would light up and a big beam of light would shoot down upon me and bless me with all of things I’ve ever wanted. That never happened. Crazy right?


What I finally realized was you can’t actually find happiness, it isn’t in a material object, a monetary value, or in another person. You can actually CREATE it from within yourself. Wait... what!? It took me 30 years to find that out?  So what your saying is I could’ve been happy this whole time? Ugh...


Here are just a few ways I have CREATED my own happiness from within:

1. I let go of others opinions about me.

2. I let go of toxic relationships.

3. I Meditate.

4. I started to eat a healthy diet and started exercising. 

5. I went to therapy.

6. I stopped believing that everything on social media was real.

7. I found ways to manage my chronic pain.

8. I found many passions and give them 100%. 

9. I became kinder to myself. 

10. I stopped seeking happiness in other people, material objects and money.


You can be happy too, just stop searching.

Xoxo, Brigitte Freeman

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Self love is the best love ! You can’t love someone and expect them to love you if you don’t love yourself to the fullest and that’s what people need to start doing because they let a little negativity bring them down.


Thanks for sharing because there are people out in this world that can relate like myself. Thank you for sharing your story. Really heartwarming!!😇😇🙏

Neil Javier

Thank you Jordan for thinking of me in regards to a short written piece on gratitude. I said I would absolutely write something, and immediately regretted it, as I usually do with commitments but I follow through on commitments these days. HEHE! I admire your positivity and tenacity towards life and of course the father you are to your daughter. Sending you and your family good vibes on this Christmas day.

Gratitude: The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness

Within the practice of gratitude happiness becomes more readily available, we all strive for that, right, they seem to cultivate each other, being thankful and counting your blessings draws so much optimism for the present moment and the forthcoming future. Gratitude and happiness intertwine, I had no business in thinking about either not long ago, staying alive and out of trouble was hard enough, flying out to California in 2018 with every intention on changing things for the better, high on fentanyl, xanax and methamphetamine , safe to say it was a pleasant flight, barely conscious throughout the trip, just as I’d spent the previous 16 years sporadically. I’d been on so many flights before, passport stamped, with all the conviction within oneself, evading the inevitable, myself and the continuous mediocrity, setbacks and overwhelming despair of active addiction. I draw from my past when it comes to my gratitude, not being in prison celebrating another birthday, in a treatment center for a quick breathe and a couple crumbs while I hide from life with no intention of getting clean or sober, I just need a break from life. I can’t fathom a life like that anymore, yet it’s never that far away. The evidence of a different story from the expressed pattern in which I’ve touched on is no more evident then writing about gratitude and its importance in my life on Christmas day in 2020, sigh, what a year.

I wake up feeling grateful, everyday writing a brief piece on what it is I’m grateful for, amongst friends in a thread that’s existed since I’d began making a honest step in the right direction. I simply cannot articulate or express in a satisfactory way just how important it’s been in my journey. I truly don’t miss a day practicing gratitude, all the anguish and suffering before is all the more reason and evidence for a grateful state of mind. Some things people wouldn’t even comprehend, or imagine themselves going through, I experienced, rightfully so I was reckless. It’s this deep metaphorical well in which I source all the conflict of the past and joy for the present. My past certainly doesn’t need me anymore, but I needed my past to shape the man I am currently. I continue putting my best foot forward with a little gratitude in life, with just a small amount no matter the circumstances a element of hope lives. It’s invaluable and can’t be underestimated, subtle but well worth it.
I encourage everyone to practice this in their lives and reap the rewards that I have.

Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.!

Greg Meier

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